Tagged: Fenway Franks

Sox Win, Remain Undefeated

Big Game James is lame.

So it’s a little hard to believe it’s baseball season again since it’s like 2 degrees out.  In fact, I’m still wearing a sweatshirt to bed in my crate to keep warm.  The other day I peed on a hydrant and my pee froze before it hit the ground.  Squirrels are still in hibernation and haven’t yet come out for mating season so I can eat them.  Jacoby Ellsbury is freezing, but just in one arm.  Lugo can’t leave the hot tub.  Papi is insulating himself with pork chops.
But getting experience playing in the cold is great for the conditions the Sox will face in November!
Big Pupi   

Despite Payroll, Baltimore Still Better than Yanks

I’m glad the Yanks picked up Sabathia (6 runs in 4 1-3 innings and 2 wild pitches) and Teixeria (0-4 with 5 stranded runners) because those guys stink.  Looks like they are the next Johnny Damon and Bobby Abreu.  Or Randy Johnson.  If the Yanks had Julio Lugo, they’d have the most expensive team of bums ever fielded.

As for the Sox, the rain ruined Opening Day.  I happen to hate the rain, even though I do enjoy swimming in lakes and peeing in kiddie pools.  Better luck tomorrow.
Happy feasting,
Big Pupi

My Human Caught a Fenway Homer

As you know, I was very angry at my human for going to Fenway Park without attempting to sneak me in under his shirt.  When my human got home, I sniffed him vigorously and determined that he had eaten some sort of monstrously big Fenway Frank, which made me want to bite his ankles.  But then, he pulled out a real-life Major League baseball that he had caught in the Monster Seats and gave it to me!  I felt like Jonathan Papelbon’s dog.  My human actually caught a batting practice homer with his bare hands!  And now it’s mine!  Guess who hit it?  Julio Lugo.  Just kidding, Lugo can’t hit it out of the infield! The homer was hit by Brendan Harris of the Twins.

So I no longer hate my human since he gave me a real toy that has good smells of Fenway Park grass on it.  I promised him that I would just lick the ball and that I would keep it away from my stupid brother because he likes to chew up and destroy stuff.  Check me out with my new Red Sox baseball!


I Hate My Human

Well I just learned that my stupid dad will be taking a little trip to Fenway Park tomorrow night to sit in the Monster seats, feast on Fenway Franks, collect homers hit by Mike Lowell, and heckle Julio Lugo in person.  When I asked him if I could come along, he informed me that my campaign to create dog-friendly Section K-9 at Fenway hasn’t worked out yet.  The only big league game I could go to this year was the White Sox-Royals Dog Day game at the Cell, which already happened.  Well, human, if you’re not going to help me sneak into Fenway, you just may open your suitcase when you get to Boston and find a little surprise inside.

A Great Day For America

Today, Joey Chestnut defeated the legendary Takeru Kobayashi in the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest.  At the end of the 10-minute regulation eating period, Chestnut and Kobayashi were tied at 59 dogs.  Chestnut went on to take the title in the 5 dog overtime eat-off.  After watching this, I have informed my human that I am putting myself up for adoption by either Chestnut or Kobayashi.  My human could never eat 59 hot dogs in 10 minutes and that makes him lame.

As for Joey Chestnut, I’m calling you out!  I think that I can eat more hot dogs than you.  Seriously. If you want some real competition, bring some hot dogs over to my house and we’ll get it on.

The Best Day of My Life

Today, I finally got to go to a major league ballpark and feast on ballpark franks!  I even got to walk on the field and meet players from the White Sox and Royals.  White Sox Dog Day at US Cellular Field was a great success and should be repeated at Fenway Park.  I mean, there were a few fights in the bleachers and stuff, but nothing out of the ordinary for Fenway.  Also, if a Fenway Frank is better tasting than a Comiskey Dog, I think I will go on an all Fenway Frank diet.  I’m so jealous of the White Sox dogs since they get to go to the ballpark every year.  Come on, Red Sox ownership!  Stop forgetting all the animal fans of Red Sox Nation!  You can even get Science Diet (puke) or someone to sponsor Red Sox Dog Day and make a few bucks from it.  It’s about time the Forgotten Fans get what they deserve- a Fenway Frank in their mouths!

–Big Pupi





Red Sox Nation, Relax

After yet another frustrating game tonight, I know there’s some major unrest in Red Sox Nation.  I admit that I have also contributed to the negativity lately.  But then I remembered that every morning when I wake up and crawl out of my crate, I truly believe it’s the best day of my life.  Maybe it’s because I eat raw turkey necks for breakfast, or maybe I’m just an optimistic pup.  Either way, I’m going to stay positive and point out all the good things that are happening with the Red Sox:

1.  Julio Lugo actually drove in a run (his first RBI of the year).  Although his RBI came on a kind of fluke bloop hit, this proves that Lugo is not purposely trying to get out with men in scoring position (even though he did hit into a key double-play when the Sox were rallying).
2.  Julian Tavarez hasn’t punched anyone in the face yet this year.  He also hasn’t punched any bullpen phones.  This is great news because we need Tavarez not to break his hand as he emerges as the anchor of the Sox middle relief (0.00 ERA in 3 innings pitched).
3.  Mike Timlin has recovered from his hunting injury and rejoins the team on Friday, which means we don’t have to deal with Bryan Corey anymore.
4.  Fenway Park still serves Fenway Franks.
5.  It’s statistically impossible for David Ortiz’s batting average to drop any lower.
6.  Eric Gagne is still blowing saves in Milwaukee, so it was good we got rid of him.
7.  Once Tito pulls Wakefield tomorrow and the bullpen lets the game get out of hand, there’s always the BC Eagles in the Frozen Four to watch!
Happy hunting,
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